[Q 661] Harsh Speech to Parents

QUESTION:

Can a child speak to their parents in a stern manner if there are problems

ANSWER:

A child is absolutely not permitted to speak to their parents in a harsh manner, even if the parents appear to be in the wrong. Rather, even if the parents do not fulfil the child’s legitimate rights, the child is still not permitted to speak to them harshly or in an inappropriate manner. Islam commands good treatment of parents while observing their rank and status; it does not permit dealing with them as equals or as though they are of a lower status.

This is because the Noble Qur’an gives a general command to treat parents well and to speak to them gently, regardless of how they may treat their child. It even forbids saying “Uff” to them—that is, any expression that may cause them hurt or discomfort—and prohibits rebuking them.

Likewise, the blessed Ahadith also command good treatment and fulfilment of the rights of parents even if they are unjust. In fact, good treatment is commanded even towards Mushrik (polytheist) parents.

The scholars have described the proper manner of speaking to parents as being like the manner in which a servant speaks to his master. Therefore, whatever problems may exist, a child is not permitted to adopt a harsh tone or any disrespectful attitude towards their parents.

Allah Ta‘ala states in the Noble Qur’an:

“وَ قَضٰى رَبُّكَ اَلَّا تَعْبُدُوْۤا اِلَّاۤ اِیَّاهُ وَ بِالْوَالِدَیْنِ اِحْسَانًاؕ- اِمَّا یَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَاۤ اَوْ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَاۤ اُفٍّ وَّ لَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَ قُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِیْمًا”

Translation (Kanz al-‘Irfan): “ And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and be kind to (your) parents; if one or both of them reach old age in your presence, then do not even say “Uff!” to them, and do not scold them, and speak to them with courteous words. ”

(Surah Bani Isra’il, 17:23)

Under this verse, Tafsir Khaza’in al-‘Irfan states:

“And address them with excellent manners and respect.”
Issue: One should not call one’s parents by their names, as this is contrary to proper etiquette and may hurt them. However, mentioning their names when they are not present is permissible.
Issue: One should speak to one’s parents in the manner that a servant speaks to his master.

(Tafsir Khaza’in al-‘Irfan, under Surah Bani Isra’il, 17:23)

A blessed Hadith states:

“عن ابن عباس قال: قال رسول اللہ صلی اللہ علیہ و سلم: من أصبح مطيعا لله في والديه أصبح له بابان مفتوحان من الجنة و إن كان واحدا فواحدا. و من أمسی عاصيا لله في والديه أصبح له بابان مفتوحان من النار و إن كان واحدا فواحدا۔ قال رجل: و إن ظلماه؟ قال: و إن ظلماه و إن ظلماه و إن ظلماه۔”
(Mishkat al-Masabih, Hadith: 4943)

It is stated in Fatawa Ridawiyyah:

In Sahih Muslim, Sayyidah Asma bint Abi Bakr رضي الله تعالى عنهما narrates:

“قدمت علی امی وھی مشرکۃ فی عہد قریش اذعاھدھم فاستفیت رسول ﷲ صلی ﷲ تعالی علیہ وسلم قلت قدمت علی امی وھی راغبۃ افاصل امی قال نعم صلی امک”

“My mother, who was a Mushrikah (polytheist), came to me during the period when a treaty existed with the Quraysh. I asked the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم: ‘My mother has come to me hoping for assistance; should I maintain ties and treat her kindly?’ He replied: ‘Yes, treat your mother kindly.’”

(Fatawa Ridawiyyah, vol. 14)

It is also stated:

“Indeed, the right of parents is such that a person can never fully discharge it.”

(Fatawa Ridawiyyah, vol. 24)

In another place, it is stated:

“If their displeasure was without a valid Shar‘i reason, and he paid no attention to it, and when they became upset, he also became upset, even then this is contrary to the command of Allah and His Messenger. He was not commanded to deal with them as equals; rather, he was commanded:

“وَ اخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ”
And lower your wing of humility to them out of affection۔

(Fatawa Ridawiyyah, vol. 6, p. 559)

Answered by: Mubashir Attari (AskMufti Scholar)
Verified by: Mufti Sajid Attari
Translated answer
Date: 22nd June 2026.