[Q 548] Guidelines for Helping Aged Parents

QUESTION:

Is it permissable for a son /daughter /Mahram to assist the opposite /same gender of their elderly Parents please?
If so what would be the best method /way

ANSWER:

The following are some fundamental rulings regarding the mentioned issue:

Ruling of Istinja (cleaning after urination or defecation):
If an adult or near-puberty person, due to paralysis of the hands or any other illness, is unable to perform Istinja (cleaning after urination or defecation) themselves, then performing Istinja does not remain Wajib (necessary) upon them. In such a case, it is not permissible for another person to touch or look at the place of Istinja without a barrier. However, since remaining Najasat (impurity) will cause harm and foul smell to those around, and there is also fear of itching or other illnesses for the person himself, then for the father this task should be carried out by the son or another male, and for the mother this task should be carried out by the daughter or another female. The daughter should not perform this for the father, nor the son for the mother.

It is necessary to wear gloves or wrap a thick cloth around the hands, and without looking at the Satr (area from the navel to the knees that must be covered), the area should be washed. If despite precaution the hand touches it or the gaze falls upon any part of the Satr, then this is excused, provided that one immediately attempts to avoid it.

Removal of Zer-e-naaf baal (pubic hair):
If the patient can remove it themselves, they should do so. If they cannot, then it may be left. If by not removing the hair there is a genuine fear of illness or it becomes a matter of hardship, and there is no way for the person to clean it themselves, then out of necessity, as much as possible without looking at or touching the Satr, another person may perform this task.

Changing clothes or diaper:
While changing clothes, the same two matters must be observed: avoiding touching without a barrier and avoiding looking at the Satr. For example, first cover the Satr with a sheet, and during the changing process ensure that the Satr remains covered with the sheet, and in that state the clothes or diaper should be changed.

Giving Ghusl (ritual bath) or bathing:
If due to dirt accumulating on the body or due to any other Shar‘i (Islamically valid) excuse, Ghusl becomes necessary, then it may be carried out without looking at or touching the Satr. For the father, this should be done by a male, and for the mother, by a female. During this, the portion of the Satr from the navel to the knees must remain covered with a cloth, etc.

Applying medicine to a part of the body:
If there is a need to apply medicine to any part of the A‘za-e-Satr (private parts), then only the portion needed should be exposed and the rest should remain covered, and the medicine should be applied in this manner. A male should apply it to a male, and a female to a female. If it is other than the A‘za-e-Satr, then a daughter may also apply medicine to her father.

Apart from this, for general movements such as giving support, etc., such service may be carried out by both son and daughter.

Answered by: Mubashir Attari (AskMufti Scholar)
Verified by: Mufti Sajid Attari
Translated answer
Date: 14th February 2026.